Pre-history
The beginnings of my communications with Sheer are lost to the annals of time, because A-M stopped showing me the old messages1. It started something like this:- Apparently she sent me a message (probably a wink, maybe a photo request).
- I responded to that initial message to say, “sorry for the delay in responding, but sure, I’d love to get to know you.”
- Apparently she didn’t respond for a period of time.
- Eventually she did, though, saying, “I was off the site for a while, but I’m back if you’re still interested in exploring.”
- I responded back, we exchanged a few emails, and then took it out of A-M and into Gmail.
We took it out of A-M fairly quickly (the second time around), so we were able to talk more “comfortably” almost right away2.
Her status
A warning bell rang very early on in our emails, when she told me that she was divorcing her husband. The immediate question that came to mind for me was: then why are you on A-M looking for married men? Why aren’t you looking for single men? For the longest time I never really got a satisfactory answer from her on that (other than the fact that yes, she was purposely coming to A-M instead of a “normal” dating site, and needed discretion since she’s still married3), so in the back of my head I was thinking that things might not work out with her – though of course I continued to email her.The beginning
Sheer was another one of those women with whom things seemed to go extremely smoothly, right from the beginning. To the point that I started to expect that nothing would happen between us: when things go that smoothly, they always seem to fizzle out. I don’t know why this is, but it seems pretty reliable. It’s probably the “nice guy syndrome,” whereby a girl starts to get to know me, enjoys talking to me, and starts to friend zone me.But I continued to email back and forth with her. She commented, on a regular basis, on my sense of humour, which she seemed to like, and also on my frankness. We had the usual back-and-forth that people have when they’re getting to know each other, and fairly early on I broached the subject of meeting. I told her I wasn’t able to meet that particular week, because I was going to have a lot of late nights, but would be available the next week. She said that would be better for her anyway, since she would be going to New York for a few days to see her best friend4, and coming back to the city next week. I also asked her for a photo, which she didn’t acknowledge.
On the day she got back to Toronto, I messaged her to say hi. I was assuming that she was probably messaging a number of men, so I didn’t want to end up being the one she forgot about, when they all wanted to see her. (I was also fully aware of the fact that she might have been making up the entire NY trip. Maybe she was dating some other dude, and just keeping me on the line in case he didn’t work out.) But instead, she sent the email I’d been expecting all along:
HiI wasn’t too disappointed, since I’d already been half expecting this the whole time, so I wrote back:
I’m back. Just got back a couple of hours ago.
Very busy with kids and getting settled. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well and busy.
You’re very sweet. I really like your emails. I haven’t had a chance to respond. But you have made me smile more than once.
This trip has done a lot of good for me, but it also made me realize I need to focus on ending my marriage. I don’t think I can handle an affair again and ending it. I don’t want to lead you on. I know what you want out of this and if times were different you probably would have gotten that out of me. Not at this point.
I hope you can find someone who can fulfill that for you.
If anything changes for me I will let you know, if you’re still up for it great, if not I understand.
It’s not easy to find someone like you. Who knows how to keep a conversation fun.
All the best to you!!! xoxo
Oh Sheer. You give me way too much credit. I don’t know if “sweet” is the right word. ;) For a guy who was trying to get in your pants, you seem to be treating me with kid gloves. lolAs expected, this didn’t sway her decision at all:
I totally understand. From the time you told me you were getting a divorce, I was thinking this could happen. :) You’re absolutely right, you need to focus on that, not on getting laid, or a temporary boyfriend.
That being said, we all need a little release from time to time, so if you decide you need a distraction for a few hours, let me know. ;) I’m not promising anything, but... wait, I forgot how we met, I should promise everything!
I’m hung, can go all night, and have a 6 inch meaty tongue. ;)
Seriously, I hope it’s a clean, easy divorce. And I hope when you become single – or at least have more time to yourself – you can find a man who is less shallow than a cheatin bastard like me. ;)
Or woman. I don’t judge. Lol
You’re so funny. Even your goodbye email made me smile and laugh. The treatment of kid gloves is a force of habit. That’s what I have to work on with myself.And that was that.
This divorce will not be an easy or smooth one, I hope I’m wrong, but I know who I’m dealing with.
Ever considered to stop cheating? maybe give your wife a second chance. Maybe role play with her if she’s up to it, pretend like she’s your cheating partner. Here’s the therapist side of me coming out. It has been gone for a while, lol. This trip has brought back a lot of my morals back in check.
Anyway you’re definitely different and special. I’m not an idiot I know you wanted to get in my pants with everything, but you did it with tact. I liked your honesty about it. I’m sure you will find someone who will enjoy your tongue. Wait wasn’t I encouraging you to get back with your wife ? See I need my own help. Lol.
Don’t be surprised to hear from me one day again. :)
Something about you.....
Except it wasn’t…
She comes back
Her last email (the one pasted above) was sent on a Tuesday. She wrote back on the following Saturday night, to tell me that she’d been thinking about me, though she still wasn’t ready to dive into anything. It was around 9PM that night, so I wasn’t overly surprised to hear from her; for us adulterous folks, night is the time we start thinking our naughty thoughts5.I wrote back, and made some smart ass comments about how I’m so irresistible that she couldn’t get me out of her mind. Luckily that made her laugh, instead of (or in addition to?) throwing up. And then, as part of her response, she mentioned that she’d been back to A-M briefly, but not bothered to do much there, because, “I figured if I’m going to look I already found someone, what’s the point.” Which tended to bode well for me: she might not be sure if she wanted to continue down the adulterous path, but if she did, it was going to be with me. But it also boded badly, because if that was true, why did she go back to A-M in the first place instead of just messaging me?
We exchanged a few more emails, and I did a poor job of pretending like I wasn’t really offering myself to her, when we both knew I mostly was. The only thing I was hesitating about, frankly, was that I still hadn’t seen her, had no idea what she looked like, so there was still a distinct possibility that we’d meet or I’d see a photo and I wouldn’t be attracted to her. But I’d say things like:
I know what you mean about wanting to run away. I’m afraid all I can offer is a few hours of solace at a time. (Technically I’m not even offering that -- we never even met! Lol But we get along well enough over email that I can assume we’d get along in person, too, so it’s only a matter of time before I’d be offering solace, or whatever else you want to call it.)She didn’t really know what she wanted, and a few times she mentioned that if I told her to go away she would understand, but of course I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Partially because there was nobody else on A-M who was interesting to me at the time, but mostly because there was a definite connection with Sheer, so no sense calling it off, even if it only continued to be an email-based relationship.
But as we continued to email back and forth, she slowly got closer and closer to thinking about continuing something with me. At one point I stated something in an email in a confusing way, leading her to think I was talking to someone else on A-M, and in her next email she said this:
As for me, I think I’m getting closer to meeting you. Well sending you a picture to start. Lol. But if you already found someone on am I’m good with us just continuing this way. See how it develops and if nothing happens than we can explore further. We can always continue these fun emails.So this was an interesting development; even if I wasn’t available to her, she’d want to continue talking to me. And maybe that would have even been a relief for her; it would take off the pressure of having to decide how far she wanted to go with me. However, I wasn’t talking to anyone else, and quickly cleared that up6.
Photos
I tend to try to be pessimistic when I’m first communicating with someone, and assume that all kinds of things are going on in her head, even when things seem to be going well, but in this case things really were going as well as they seemed to be going. She really was building up to sending me a photo, and on Thursday night (just before the Easter long weekend), she did. Two, in fact, though they were both very similar: photos of her smiling face, wearing sunglasses – the same sunglasses in both photos. (Spoiler alert: when we met for our first date, she was wearing the same sunglasses.)My impression was of a beautiful woman with a lovely smile, and I was glad that I wouldn’t have to think of a reason to suddenly cool things down. It’s true that the photos were both close-ups of her face, so I couldn’t see her body, but I didn’t see that as a reason to be worried. Every indication was that she was a beautiful woman, and, since I already enjoyed our communications, I was pretty sure I’d enjoy being in the same room with her.
But my wife and I were going away for the Easter weekend, so I wasn’t able to email Sheer quite as much as I’d have liked. Just a short message from time to time, to let her know I was still thinking of her. Talking about the three hour drive I took with my wife gave her the opportunity to tell me that the straw that broke the camel’s back for her marriage was a drive she took with her husband down to Florida. By the time they got there, she knew the marriage had to end7.
Footnotes
- 1 Emails are only kept for a certain amount of time – at least, that’s what they claim. If credit card numbers are stored forever (in plain text), maybe old messages are, too, and just not displayed. Think of the amount of data they’d have if they ever wanted to do analytics! ↺
- 2 Have I mentioned in the last 5 minutes that A-M’s interface is terrible, and I hate the site, and the only reason I go there is that it’s where the horny married ladies hang out? ↺
- 3 I got a weird comment from her when I mentioned that I can do Hangouts, in addition to email, too. She said that she doesn’t find Hangouts “safe” to use. I wasn’t sure why email would be safe and Hangouts wouldn’t be, but hey, when I’m trying to fuck someone, i don’t argue with her too heavily. ↺
- 4 Sheer had a habit of abbreviating “best friend” to “bf,” which most people use to mean “boyfriend.” So there were multiple occasions when she would tell me that she’s going to see “her bf,” and I’d have to mentally translate that in my head to “best friend” instead of “boyfriend.” And, actually, it’s even more confusing than that, because “bf” didn’t even seem to mean best friend, but really, just… friend. She used “bf” to refer to a lot of friends and frenemies. ↺
- 5 If they had statistics on this, I bet A-M would find that 90% of their profiles are created late at night. ↺
- 6 I need to do better at playing hard to get. ↺
- 7 She told me later that after that drive she took off her wedding ring, which she no longer wears. I’m guessing the drive back was even less comfortable than the drive there had been... ↺
No comments:
Post a Comment