Misunderstandings – With a Vengeance!

Everyone is different¹, and everyone communicates differently. So there are bound to be misinterpretations of things, where I’ll say something, meaning one thing, and someone will read it and think I meant something else. Or maybe she won’t care what I meant, but something I’ve said – or some particular word I’ve used – will cause her to go off on a rant about something else.

Usually this happens in emails or instant messages, and it’s often easy to correct those misunderstandings, but sometimes it happens from the words on my actual profile, and that can be more difficult to deal with because I might never even know in the first place that it’s a problem. There could just be tons of women who are passing me by because of a poorly worded sentence, and I’ll never be the wiser.

Here’s an example. One version of my profile said this:

I like women who enjoy sex. Who like to think about it, and who like to get into it. It doesn't matter to me if you've had 20 partners, or 200, or 2. Experience isn't the important thing, attitude is. We'll get together in the same room, and allow ourselves (for once) to give in to our desires, and experience it like we haven't in a while.

The intent of a paragraph like this is that it doesn’t matter how experienced or inexperienced you are, I’m not looking for a porn star I’m just looking for someone who enjoys sex. I had this wording on my profile for… oh, well over a year, I’m sure, and nobody ever said anything about it. And then one day I messaged someone and got this message back:

Unfortunately your profile doesn't resonate with me. You don't care whether someone's had 20 or 20 or 200 partners ? That is saying a lot about you actually and you should in fact care in this context !! A woman that;s had 200 is probably a walking STD. Anyone who feels so nonchalant about that, willing to take that risk, infect yourself and then bring that home to your spouse - is not the person for me !!

I shake my head often at the stupidity and ignorance of men here - they put all aside just in order to get laid ! How brilliant - not.

When she sent this she also blocked me, so that she would never have to see me or my terrible, terrible profile ever again.

So first of all, this is obviously a woman who’s bought into the “happily ever after” version of an A-M affair, and that’s fine – more power to her. She didn’t come here for sex, she came here for passion and romance, and maybe even love. I hope she finds it. She seems a little angry with me, for some reason, but that’s fine. I can’t explain myself to her, because she blocked me, but I’m not really wanting to do so in the first place, so it’s no great loss.

And this would have been the end of it: One person took offence at my profile, but she is – as far as I know – the only person who did in all the time it was up, so I can chalk it up to different people communicating differently, and that’s it.

Right?

Well, not quite. The same day that I’d messaged this woman, I sent messages to a number of other women, too, and the same day, I got another response from another woman who didn’t like it:

Hmmmm - I don't believe I'd want to connect with a man who's had 200 partners - he likely is promiscuous and fucks anything with a pulse- not the type of person I am looking to connect with. It has STD's written all over that - your view in your profile that says you don't care about number of partners - well that is just nothing but one big turn off. Careless stupidity and a man, like most who thinks with his stupid brain..his cock !!!!

All the best to you.

And, as with the previous woman, she then blocked me.

Now, between you and me, I don’t think she meant it when she said “all the best to you,” but we’ll set that aside, it’s not the important thing.

The day I got these responses I had to think about whether I want to change my profile. Perhaps many women were seeing that and having similar reactions to it, without ever voicing it to me. And it doesn’t hurt to change the text on one’s profile from time to time; the only reason I don’t is because it’s not something that’s top of mind very often.

On the other hand, it also seemed kind of suspicious that nobody would ever say anything to me, over the course of more than a year, and then suddenly two women would have such a similar reaction on the same day. It made me wonder if it was the same woman with two different profiles.

But nobody would ever create multiple profiles on A-M, would they?

Footnotes

• ¹ Every day I make 100 obvious statements before most people have had breakfast. ↺