A Representative Sample

When I talk to people about my “adventures” on A-M¹, they commonly want to know about the level of conversation on the site. There are a lot of weirdos on the site (and, lately, a lot of spammers), but occasionally there is a diamond in the rough. So the level of conversation is all over the place.

This example is not of the “diamond in the rough” variety, it’s of the “weirdo” variety.

Conversation	Context
Her: Hi there, I'm curious to know, how many affairs have you ever had in the past 5 years?	Why 5 years? Why does she even assume I’ve been cheating that long? What is it about my profile that says “I’ve been here for years and years”?
Me: Oh, I'd say 5 or so. I haven't been actively seeking all the time; when i do, I've been lucky enough to find some good partners i could spent some good time with. How about you?	This is a trickier question to answer than one might immediately assume. What kind of answer is she looking for? Does she want someone with experience (i.e. a high number), who knows his way around the bedroom? Or someone who’ll be “faithful” in his adulterous relationship (i.e. a low number)? I said 5 because: 1) it’s the truth, and I’ve got nothing to prove to this woman, and 2) it seems like a good compromise. It implies (without actually stating it) that I stay with my lovers for about a year. I’m embarrassed by the typos in my messages – especially the fact that “i” is often not capitalized – but when you use A-M’s mobile interface on your phone, for some strange reason autocorrect is disabled, and I’m too f’ing lazy to hit the shift key every time I want to type “I”.
Are you telling me, that you have 5 ongoing affairs simultaneously at the same time? Wow! You must be a hot dude!! Are you a celebrity? Must be a hot model.	Now… what in my message implied that my 5 affairs had all been at the same time? Why in hell would she jump to that conclusion? Because I’m basically a humanitarian at heart, and like to give people the benefit of the doubt, I’m assuming this was an attempt at humour on her part. I notice, however, that she doesn’t answer my question (about her number of affairs). I don’t know what (if anything) to read into that. Regardless of whether she intends to be funny or not, all that really comes across is the fact that her message is dripping with sarcasm. What am I supposed to do with that?
Lol no, not at the same time. :) One after the other - usually with a break in between. I don't remember any times when I've had overlaps. ;)	… I take the high road, pretend like this is a normal conversation, and simply answer her question. I’m not giving her anything else, though; she is the one chasing me, after all, not the other way around. (I must be a hot model!)
Please send photos	This indicates that she tried to access my “private” photos. There’s nothing to read into, here, it’s just how the site works, and is another way A-M is a terrible website: Whenever you click on someone’s private showcase, the site sends an email to that person as a “request” to view their “private showcase.” The people who work on the site haven’t really thought through the psychology of the people who are using it.

Footnotes

• ¹ ... which isn’t often, of course, because who could I possibly talk to about this stuff? ↺