What the Hell You Tryin to Say, Woman?

Probably the number one question I get about Ashley Madison is about the females’ profiles. What do they look like? What do the women say? What do they claim to be looking for? Are they well written, or all chat-speak? And I don’t have a good answer because they’re all over the map. Some are eloquent treatises on the state of human affairs (pun intended), others are a sequence of random syllables thrown together in a language-y manner that resembles – but isn’t quite – English.

Here’s an example of the latter. Under the “I’m open to” section of her profile, she had this to say:

To begin with I wish to welcome. :) I wish all good mood. And to steam of words about me. :) I the lonely woman. I quiet, resolute. I do not play. And I do not wish to be a toy. And I search for long-term relations. I the usual girl. There are black strips in a life, and happen white. But the most part of a life I stay in good mood. Always I try to optimise the work. I do not drink and I do not smoke. I choose a healthy way of life. If I speak something or I do, I can usually explain why so, instead of in another way. (Actually it is possible not always, sometimes the choice becomes on the basis of an internal voice, sometimes it appears erroneous.) I cannot long be angry with something or someone. I very seldom take offence. Very much I love the nature and animals. I like to walk on the nature. I do not understand, how people can lay all the day on a sofa and watch TV. I am always ready to listen to opinion of any person, but I agree with it only well having thought. I seldom hide from people the to them the relation.

Please note that I didn’t doctor any of that, for clarity (ha!) or for any other purpose. This is a straight copy and paste.